Marriage: Forgiveness

We all know I am far from a licensed marriage counselor or any counselor at that. This is a tough subject and can get deep when you start digging into the bible about marriage and the rules that go with it. God gave us the option to make our own decisions and have our own opinions, so we will not all agree on some of the things I talk about. That’s ok, you should trust what the bible says and what God tells you.

I have a previous post about forgiveness. It kind of lays a foundation down for this one, if you haven’t read it, go check it out first. Forgiveness is the same whether it’s friend, family, kids, spouse, or even a stranger. God looks at us all equally as His children. He does not choose which one of us is more important to be forgiven than the other. Remember that when thinking of the people you need to forgive in your life. Matthew 22:39 says, “you shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Jesus gave his life for us all to be free. That’s including the murders, fornicators, adulterers, liars, immorality, ect. We are not better than each other and we are not better than the people that hurt us.

Now, when we’re talking about forgiveness in marriage, it’s a whole new ball game. You have your lovely spouse that you made a covenant with and there really isn’t a way to break that. No matter how mad or bored you are together. One thing I hear a lot when people start talking about being bored with their significant other is how they don’t know if they picked the right person. People like to use that as an excuse to justify their decision. The reality is that once you decided to marry that person, they are now considered the right one for you. You have to put in the work to make it the right marriage.

If I only knew marriage from a Christian stand point as a teenage, I would of looked at relationships so much different. I don’t have any regrets, don’t get me wrong. But, it’s crazy to go back and see how we have grown and how much more knowledge we get just going through marriage together. Marriage is a beautiful thing God was certain to create and I’m so happy he did. People tell you over and over how hard marriage is, but the beauty outweighs all the bad in the end.

I want to make known what the Bible says about marriage and when it might be acceptable to get a divorce. Maybe your spouse did something that completely broke your trust? Or they upset you to the point you don’t think it’s worth it?

Matthew 19:3-9
Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?” And he answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual unfaithfulness and marries another woman commits adultery.”

That’s a huge chunk of verses but they are so important that I had to put them all in there. If you catch the end it says the only exception is sexual unfaithfulness? Divorcing because you disagree or decided you no longer like each other is considered adultery. Its harsh and not an easy pill to swallow. But I do want to point out that just because sexual unfaithfulness might of happened in a marriage that does not mean that both parties have to give up and divorce. God hates divorce and he can restore anything you allow Him to be involved in.

There is a really good book in the bible called Hosea. Its about a man named Hosea and his wife is a prostitute. It talks about how he forgave and did what God asked. The main summary of the book is God uses Hosea’s relationship to demonstrate how he feels about the Israelites actions and sins. God tells Hosea to marry a promiscuous woman and have children with her. He says for like an adulterous wife the land is guilty of being unfaithful to Him (Hosea 1:2). She then turns back to her ways and is sleeping around, gets sold into slavery, and Hosea is without a wife. Now, any normal human would of been like “bye Felicia” you made that decision and got caught. I would not of wanted to go through the heartache of buying my spouse with my money, bringing them home, and then try to forgive them. That sounds painful. But God went to Hosea and said, “Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another man and is an adulteress. Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, though they turn to other Gods (Hosea 3:1). God is showing that his love knows no wrongs and even if the people turn on him and worship false Gods that he has so much love he is willing to forgive and help them.

Can you imaging being Hosea and having to show that much love and forgiveness? If Hosea can do that, can’t we? We should be willing to show forgiveness as Christ shows it for us. We should be willing to fight until the end for our spouse that we have become one with no matter the pain and years of healing we have coming. If we truly love our spouse then we can look at it on a different view as how God has already forgiven them, now its our turn. Don’t get me wrong, I know its not that easy and some spouses are not willing to put in the work but you can still do your part and forgive them. If your marriage story ends in a divorce, then put in the work to forgive and to start putting your focus on God instead of the negative things.

*disclamar* if your spouse is physically, verbally, emotionally abusive, etc. then you need to seek professional help.

Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christs has forgiven you.

Matthew 18:21 Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.”

Forgiveness is very hard and takes a lot of time and effort by us. But Jesus makes it clear if we do not forgive then God will not forgive us. Try to put the anger away and start acting as followers of Christ. There is no set amount of times we should forgive someone. Marriage is supposed to last a life time, we will have to forgive all throughout our life in marriage. We have to put our spouses needs above our own and have a tender hear towards each other.

I hit y0u with a lot of information, take some time to reflect and go read your bible my friends.

Much love,
Charity