Identity by Maria

I would like to formally introduce myself as Adam and Adalynn’s Mom. But I know that somehow, I am way more than just the momma to two precious kiddos. I truly believe that the biggest mistake we all make as moms is becoming and taking that one role to the max. Now please don’t get me wrong, I love my kiddos and I absolutely love being a mom. When I was younger, I would pray to God about being a mom. I would tell Him that if He ever blessed me with children, I would make sure they came to know who their creator is. That is a promise that I will never forget.  I guess you could say that because I have the blessing of seeing them each day, they will forever be a part of me, they were put in my womb by our Creator with a purpose. But I have to be honest with myself, I am way more than just a mom.

I am an individual that sometimes questions my own identity because is there even a woman who doesn’t? I mean I know I am a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend, a wife, and yes, my favorite role – a mother (this role is connected to a personal chef, uber, house maid, planner and the list goes on girlfriend). But as I have navigated through life, I have realized that I am much more than a list of people. I am a woman who is actively searching for her own voice and asking God, who am I? As a person who grew up in a church, you’d wonder how in the world do you not know who you are at this point? Simple answer – I am a sinner and yes, inevitably a human who hasn’t stopped searching for her true identity.

I remember going to church and always hearing my elders passionately speak and preach about following God’s footsteps and constantly reminding me to never doubt His plan for me. They would always talk about a path – a righteous path; where you are guided by God and your heart is yearns for Him. But what happens when that passion is nowhere to be found? That tingly feeling they always talk about? That was a hard no for me, I didn’t feel it and I certainly wasn’t searching for it. I would always give myself the excuse that I was just too young to feel that way. I kept telling myself that I would eventually get there; all I needed was to keep living my life. I made myself believe that I would be able to create my own identity and that I didn’t necessarily need a church to find that. Part of that is true, your identity cannot be found in church or by a religion. It is only found in Him, that’s a fact.

Recently I heard a worship song that stated: “Don’t wait for God to move you, because YOU are the MOVEMENT of God.” I sat in my car replaying those words in my mind, thinking wow I really shouldn’t wait to be called. I am chosen, saved, and I was called like every other disciple to go and disciple others. And who knows, maybe if I would’ve heard this sooner, maybe, just maybe I would’ve thought differently. It would have certainly saved me a lot of trails and errors but sometimes some of those things have to happen for us to grow, I think we can all attest to that. For so long I felt like I would just wait for Him to speak to me and show me my ultimate identity. Unfortunately, that never happened. I dropped out of college and moved back home. Kept attending church, just waiting on Him to show me his plans for me. I eventually was married, started my own little family. I kept working towards having a better career, car, and home. Somehow, I wasn’t interested in knowing the identity that God had formed for me, because I had already created my OWN identity.

When I tell you that creating your own identity can be risky – I MEAN IT. Don’t do it! It’s not worth it. Search HIM. Move towards Him, give it all to Him. Your worries, your identity, and your stress, just hand it to Him. Read and memorize 1 Peter 5:7. It says, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for us”. Go ahead and just toss it to Him, let Him carry your burdens because I can promise you that He is ready for you to do so. God constantly reminds us that there is nothing that we are going through that we cannot cast on Him. He knows us, He hears us, even when you feel you are miles and miles away from Him. Even when our hearts have failed us and led us away and taken us through a valley of darkness, He remains steady and his arms are wide open. Even when you create an identity without Him, He longs for your return.

You might be asking yourself – so have you found your identity now? Yes, I have. I found it through Him and Him alone. And I certainly don’t want to paint a picture-perfect scenario of how I came to finally trust in Him and know that my identity can only be found in Him. It took time, tears, prayer, bible studies, and ultimately it took me letting go of my own identity that I had created for myself. I will never stop searching for Him. I can very personally say, I am not where I know I need to be, but I am moving towards Him. You can do it to. You can start now, today, later, or maybe tomorrow. But know that He is ready for you, He anxiously waits for you to run to Him. Don’t let Satan tell you that you don’t need God or a strong church community that prays, guides, and supports you. Because he is a liar. John 10:10 says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.” Do not allow him to do that with your identity, your life, or your family.

2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” Go find your new identity in Him, knowing that all the plans He has for you is for good and to prosper you. Throw away your old identity and let the chains fall off. You are free. You are loved. You are forgiven. You are renewed.

With love,
Maria