The Past

I can’t believe I am writing my first blog post! In case you didn’t know, making a website is actually really hard! It will need plenty of work over time, but I am optimistic 🙂 .  This post might be a lengthy but I think it’s important to set the foundation of where I am going with this blog at this time. Hang in there with me!

Ever since I figured out the mom life at 16 years old I have always wanted to speak with girls that might be in that situation and let them know, it will be ok! I was completely terrified when I found out I was pregnant at 15. I totally thought “that won’t be me”, “I am smarter than that.” The thing is, I was not smart and it was obviously me. My parents freaked out because they didn’t even know I was sexually active and now they were going to be grandparents in their 30s. Once everyone calmed down and reevaluated their thoughts on the situation, I remember my dad coming to my room that night and asked what my plan was. I didn’t even think of any other option than to raise the baby. He was, of course, hoping that was my answer. I read books and books, over and over, all to learn about the baby growing, what to expect, and childbirth (so dang terrifying at 15). I kept educating myself the best I could but the one thing I could not educate myself on.. how other students, teachers, and parents would treat me. I had teachers who seemed annoyed about my normal pregnancy symptoms, I was degraded for being pregnant (but If I went the alternative route, you better believe I would have been the worst), and I was also made fun of during games because I was the pregnant cheerleader who was unable to do all the things because I was growing a human in my uterus. I went through a lot of frustration, and heartbreak to learn how grown-ups and students actually felt about me. I still have to work on my forgiveness even though it’s been 10 years with how certain adults treated me.

But guess what? I raised my little girl with support from my family and a few friends. I started dating my now husband when she was one years old and he has been a part of her life ever since. My little girl is so loved and has the most cheerful energy wherever she goes.

I wondered what my life would be like if I didn’t get pregnant at such a young age. Would I of had more friends? Been able to hang out with friends outside of school? Go to parties? Move away and go to college? No responsibility at all. You know what is funny about all that? I didn’t have any plans for college, not many people in my family finished school or even college so why was I going to? I didn’t have motivation to go and pay all the money and have to study for years. The truth is, I didn’t have any plans for my life after high school, and I didn’t have to worry about that for years. But once I had her, I realized this little human was going to depend on me. No one was going to provide for her like I could. Sure my family or her dad could help, but what was I going to do to give her what she deserved?

Gladly I can say that I graduated high school and College. I am continuing to grow in my education and have no plans in stopping unless God takes me down a different path.

After all that I have gone through, it gave me the mind set to prove myself to everyone that I can be successful and I can do everything other people my age were doing without kids with no problem. The truth… I can and I did but I ended up losing my identity. I thought my identity would forever be the girl who was pregnant in high school and can’t be successful. It literally took one of THE HARDEST seasons in my life this past summer for God to show it to me. I started seeing a therapist and after a few sessions of her letting me vent and learning about me, she started asking me the hard stuff. “Are you not proud of where you are at?” That was the hardest question I have been asked. Because I felt that I was going to have to continue to try to prove myself to everyone that knew me from high school, my family, and for sure to my husband’s family. I felt that I would be considered a “screw up” or holding my husband back because I wasn’t successful due to my past.  I am a LVN, meaning I have a license to practice nursing by the state of Texas. I plan to be an RN and I never planned to have to be an LVN for more than a year or two. I never got my title on my jacket, stethoscope, or scrubs because I knew I would go to RN school ASAP. I applied to a program this summer and did not get in (thankfully I did not because God had so much more planned for me than suffering through nursing school this year). After doing research through the bible and reading all about identity through Christ. I have discovered I am a child of God and I do not have to please anyone at all. I should be focused on pleasing God and not my friends, past teachers, in-laws, or just the random people around my town that know me. I am more than that. I am better than that. I will continue to go for my dreams but only when God says I am ready, not when I think I am just to rush and prove my self. God works in mysterious ways and continues to show me every day how amazing he is and what great plans he has for me and my family.

Just remember: Believing and praying for God’s plan for your life and learning what he has in store for you is much greater than any advice I can give you or anything you can read in a book (besides the Bible 🙂 ).

Much love,
Charity