Co-Parenting

If you have a child, you have or are co-parenting with the other parent to raise your child the best of your abilities. Let’s be honest, some of you might be happy about that and others might wish they had the child by themselves with no other parent involved. I used to think that but I had to realize the truth and importance of children needing both parents involved.

Are you ready to get serious? Have you ever thought about the person(s) you were intimate with and thought if they would be a good parent to your children? See, people say don’t have sex before marriage because it’s against the bible or you shouldn’t because of STDs. You know what people don’t talk about? Having a child with someone and having to parent with them for the rest of your life. You will have to agree on raising the child and discuss: discipline, religion, haircuts, Christmas gifts, will they believe in Santa? Who plays the tooth fairy? Who pays for sports?

You remember how I said I was in the mind set of proving myself. I was also thinking that my daughter only needed me and I could handle being a single mom like a boss. If God wanted me to have full custody, you better believe I was going to work to make sure she was safe, taken care of, and grew up with the best life I could provide. God ended up showing me that was not the plan and I needed to accept that. I am not going to go in great detail about my daughter’s dad and my relationship because I don’t think that is necessary to get my point across. What I think is necessary is you attempting to understand Gods plans as you are in the midst of the storm.

We had a rocky relationship when she was born and a few years following. We were children trying to raise a child, not always the best mix. I can gladly say that we have an awesome co-parent relationship now and are so happy she has both of us involved in her life and showing her what it’s like to parent even if things didn’t turn out as we thought.

We were in court so many times for custody during the first 3 years of her life. That’s some of the hardest stuff to go through because you pay all this money for attorneys and court fees, you argue why your right, come up with evidence, and basically battle your point to the judge why you believe you deserve full custody or what you think needs to happen for the child. It is nasty and sometimes unnecessary. For us, it needed to happen because after our last court visit they made us realize we are being petty and fighting over Zoey, when we actually never dealt with our relationship as a couple at the time when she was first born. We had to take Co-Parenting classes and sit with a counselor while she tried to figure out why we hated each other. I was in College at the time and we had to meet certain mornings for counseling during my Microbiology class. When I say God works in great ways, I mean my professor let me come late every time and stayed after to catch me up on assignments and told the other students to not question why I get to come late with no repercussions.
So back to the counseling.. That was so rough, we sat on opposite sides of the couch and mean mugged each other most of the time. The counselor told me something during our visits that completely crushed me. She said, “Zoey acts very shy and timid to go to her dad when you are dropping her off, once you leave, she is super excited with him and ready to play. You are influencing her emotions towards her dad because she knows you hate him. You need to change that or she will always feel that way because of you.” Talk about making me feel like a terrible mother, dang. I thought I was protecting her but I was only thinking of myself and not how she felt.

The counselor ended with us writing each other letters to basically forgive and let go of the past and start focusing on parenting. After I was able to write my letter and let go, God completely helped me forgive him and not let any of the past affect me. I have never been so free and willing to work with him until after that. Now I am excited for her to go visit him and his fiancé, his, and her family. Zoey loves going there and I love that she is happy.

No matter if you are parenting by yourself or co-parenting, remember to raise those babies up to know and praise God. Jesus says that children are a blessing from god and a fruit of the womb (Psalms 127:3). If your 15 and pregnant, 40 and pregnant, or on your 4^th kid that was not planned, you should always love your children and know they are a blessing and will change your life even when you don’t think it is the right time or you’re not ready. I wouldn’t have it any other way with my children; they have blessed me and shown me so many things to help me mature in my life. They bring so much joy and kindness. No matter if you have the messiest house or the messiest relationship with their other parent, that child looks to you to have it together and comfort them. You can do it, you can hold your head high and fight whichever way is necessary, because when you have God on your side, anything is possible 😉 .

Much love,
Charity